Whining ,Winning or Just "Oh Well" or "We’ll See? "

I remember the days of my own children whining and I am reliving each moment 10 times over every day with other people’s children that I teach. My own children learned very quickly that it didn’t get them very far. As they grew older they dreaded the phrase” Oh, well” and “We’ll see?” because it usually meant that whatever they were whining about was a definite no-go-especially if they did not let up. 

Whiners see if they can get your attention and/or win a disagreement. So they use whining to get what they want. So, avoid the power struggle. Some try to cognitively “talk” through it with a whiner, only to find out that it leaves both parties extremely frustrated, so here are my personal and professional tips for whiners and those who must live and teach with them:

• When you are ready to ask me in a big girl/big boy voice I will see what I can do, but I cannot understand you when you talk to me like that.
• The above also goes for behavior. Make it very clear the whine, the stomping foot, the tantrum, all leads to a time-out, a break in a “safe-place”, a removal from whatever we were doing while everyone else continues, a “no” to the whiner’s demand, etc.
• Use visuals to help the child regain composure or transition: Board Maker is a good program although it is on the expensive side, DO2learn is a nice web site for pictures or you can make your own with clip art.
• Remember there are non-negotiables and stick to them: ie: No means NO. ; You must wear your coat on a cold day; there is NO CANDY at the grocery store; and no whining while mommy is driving the car, etc.

And remember the “Oh well” response and “We’ll see?”.  It still works on my 20 year olds and also a few whiny co-workers as well.